Saturday, September 02, 2006

Banality Fair Goes To Vegas, Part 3

We got ourselves a couple more Newcastles. Our guests ordered a Corona and a Jack and Coke. They were also slurping down one of those enormous $15 slushy drinks you see people lugging around Vegas every so often.

Joseph K: Joseph (sticking out hand)
M. Fresh: M.
Guy 1: (whatever, I don't remember)
"Guy" 2: Rene.

Rene was overweight. Covered in tattoos. Short hair. Wearing a cap like me. He had boobs. Although he had a masculine physique (sort of, for an overweight person), his boobs were not man boobs. He was clearly not a he. He was a butch she.

Rene spent most of his/her time talking to M. Fresh. Which is understandable, because she's attractive and far more interesting than me. Which mattered to Rene.

But, here is something I didn't know about M. Fresh. She has unbelievable ability to put not only her foot, but her whole leg in her mouth.

It started off right off the bat, when we toasted Rene's 21st birthday.

M. Fresh: Cheers to you finally becoming a man.

I had to bite my bottom lip to not explode into laughter. But, Rene was cool about it. Guy 1 seemed to pick up on M. Fresh's confusion and a couple of times made a point of referencing "her" and "she."

M. Fresh was undeterred. I am pretty sure I heard right after one such reference, "You seem like a cool guy." Rene didn't react, though. I think Guy 1 spit out a randon "she" in a vain attempt to steer M. Fresh right.

Rene and Guy 1 were from Seattle. Rene is apparently an ex con, who went into great detail about her career as an extasy dealer, as well as her current drug use habits.

Rene had no idea what Joseph K does for a living. You have no idea what Joseph K does for a living. Let's just say, if they had any inkling, they would gotten up quickly and hustled away. Instead, I pretended I was a corporate lawyer.

Guy 1: Could I get some legal advice.
Joseph K: Another beer please (speaking to waitress)
Guy 1: You see, I am getting sexually harrassed at work.
Joseph K: (just thinking, oh for Christ's sake)
Guy 1: Yeah, she's this sixty year old cashier, who is always feeling me up in the break room.
Joseph K: Really?
Guy 1: Yeah. I went to my union, but they can't do shit.
Joseph K: Mmm-hmm (drinking beer)
Guy 1: It's fucked up, you know. She's done it to a bunch of guys. And they quit. But, you know, I am not about to give up my $17 an hour. $17 an hour, you know what I am saying?
Joseph K: Yep.
Guy 1: Blah, blah, blah, blah...

I finished off my beer and turned to M. Fresh.

Joseph K: I am still too sober and need to blow some cash.
M. Fresh: Sounds good. (Turning to Rene) -- it was nice meeting you dude.

Next up: The all time worst comedian ever. Ever.


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