Sunday, August 06, 2006

Unanswered Questions

Often, people end up at Banality Fair after typing in a search query. And, I fear that the posts those folks are directed to do not directly answer their questions. So, I am going to try and respond to those unanswered questions in this post:

1. To the reader in San Jose who ended up here based on this query, "Is it ok for a Christian to go to a Sikh wedding?": Not only is it ok, it is Christastic! That said, as a Christian, you are not going to be prepared for sitting on the ground cross-legged for an hour and a half. Practice before you go. Or make like the other Sikhs and grab a prime seat along one of the temple walls.

2. A lot of searchers looking for the elusive Dr. Dmitri Zorken. Fellas: He does not exist. Just learn to deal with your small peckers.

3. To our Brazilian from who got here after typing in the query "the world be strange, we all" -- frankly, I cannot help you with this gibberish. But, if you are one of those many, many incredibly hot Brazilian women, email us at and we make your world as strange as you want it.

4. To our friend from San Diego who got here after writing in the following query "step on a used condom" -- I assume you are asking what happens if you do that. The exact same thing that happens when you step on a sidewalk crack. You break your momma's back.

5. Our friend from Bloomingdale, Illinois wonders whether "Gary Fencik gay?" Fabulous, maybe. Gay, I dunno.

6. To the many people from the Phillipines who get hear by typing "fuck mather" -- I'd like to think your typo was hitting "h" instead of "t." That you are saying "fuck matter," because you want to take it to the next dimension. Go from matter to pure energy. Free energy. Yeah, fuck matter! (and you too, thoery of relativity) But, we all know you are actually a bunch of Oedipal sickos.


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