Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Makin' Babies

With the recent news that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting a child, people may be wondering how or why this happened (I know I did). It is probably worth looking briefly at the various theories on how babies are sired.

1. "The Birds And The Bees" Theory: If birds and bees do it together, then sometimes nearby women get pregnant. And sometimes, pregnant bees or birds can can birth to bee-bird hybrids known as Albanians.

2. "The Stork" Theory: Under this theory, enterprising storks move beyond merely eating fish and hanging out on piers to delivering babies from unknown sources to childless couples. The couples are encouraged not to ask where the babies came from.

3. The "Kissing" Theory: Some puritanical types claim that kissing a boy or girl outside of marriage can lead to babies. I can state to a certainty that this theory is completely without merit. I don't kiss while stroking (ironically its because I believe in the "K.I.S.S." method, i.e., "keep it simple, stupid"...I do indeed find it difficult to pat my head and rub my belly at the same time). So someone explain the three little Ks.


Blogger partly cloudy w/a chance of rain said...

I think the stork's supervisor needs to bring him in for a review. You'd think it would be obviously a violation of policy to knowingly deliver a baby to a mentally deficient couple.

11:09 PM  
Blogger Joseph K said...

Yeah, you know, unless its a paper, I ain't bringing shit into my house that was left on the doorstep.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Natalia said...

Oh no, they're spawning. God help us.

8:28 PM  
Blogger Sharfa said...

Scientologist believe in "silent birth", uh huh. Let the labor pains begin and we'll see how long it takes Katie to stand up in the stirrups, grab Toms bottom lip and pull it over his head whilst screaming "I want DRUGS"

They are a bunch of judgmental pigs trying to create another Arian nation.

12:03 PM  

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