Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Intelligent Design

Big debates going on about "evolution" versus "intelligent design." Like that shit is mutually exclusive. Perhaps evolution is beneficially random. In any event, how do we explain chimps using tools? They are creatures that were taken out of the creationist oven a few minutes too soon? What is the purpose of these hairy, less sophisticated genetic cousins of ours? Laughs? That lasted for three years in the early 80s. There must be more.

I want to give intelligent design a chance, but help me with this: just about everyone I know thinks their arms are too long. Not cartoonishly long. Settle down! No, maybe half a foot long. Maybe a foot. They don't want to have Tyrannaurus Rex short arms. Just not so long. Hip length, not mid-thigh. It's just unnecessary. If we had shorter arms, we guys would look a little better in suits. Hugs would be a little more complex and therefore more rewarding.


Blogger M. Fresh said...

But a little too short...and what then?

Chaos. That's what.

1:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fortunately I have never had that unhealthy view of self.

9:07 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

mid-thigh?? just a sec... oh, okay - fingertips...

but damn. if my arms were actually 6-12" longer, just think of all the things I could reach!

10:22 PM  
Blogger Joseph K said...

You knees?

11:44 PM  
Blogger Chemical Billy said...

I just had a fitting for a rental tuxedo with tails (curious? pics may appear on the blog. maybe. if i can find someone with a camera). But it was a lesson in the differences between male & female anatomy, the shopgirl & I were cracking up the whole time. Okay, a little room in the shoulders, that's okay, fits fine around the waist. Forget about buttoning the lowest button around my hips - have to go with the sharp cutaway. And the sleeves? Three inches too long, at least.

And apparently my collar size (for the shirt) is precisely between the largest child's size and the smallest men's.

2:32 PM  

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