Tuesday, December 14, 2004

The Kerik "Conspiracy"

So, this Kerik story is getting out of control. A lot of over-analytical political junkies are even conjuring up all kinds of conspiracy theories about how it came to passs, e.g., that Karl Rove, cherubic, yet evil, genius, engineered the nomination of a flawed Guiliani ally to undermine a Guiliani presidential run in 2008. Nonsense. Guilani has done enough to undermine his moral stature by publicly dating another woman while he was the married mayor of New York. He lashed out in weird ways at the time by cracking down on jaywalkers and embarking on a Footloosian crusade to crack down on dancing. Those of us who lived in NY in the late 90s know what I am talking about. The city cut down on the number of cabaret licenses one needs to have dancing in one's establishment. A bartender at this one bar that couldn't get or even afford a cabaret license once asked my sister to stop grooving in her chair fearing Guiliani's anti-dance thugs would shut down his place.

So what was Kerik's crime, so to speak? The nanny stuff had the most facial political resonance (given that he'd be running INS), but no one had really had their curiosity stirred by that part of the story. No, it was the fuck pad frequented by competing mistresses and the ties to businesses linked to the mob that's got everyone in a lather.

Let's take the mob-related business stuff. Frankly, we've become immune to notion of powerful people cavorting with criminals. Remember the "Kenny-boy" Bush personally penned to prospective Enron Ken Lay? We all know some sketchy people too, let's be honest. I once knew this dude in law school who liked to go through people's coats for loose change. And for no apparent reason too; he was rich (wealth can be downright pathological at times). I remember walking in on him at a party when he was trying on some woman's coat. You know, he was a real fucking freak.

As for the sex stuff, some of it is weird, some of it is not. The weird stuff -- he had a fuck pad that cost thousands of dollars a month to rent -- on a salary that could not support renting such a place (around the same time he was friends with the dudes who ran the mob-affiliated businesses...not that I am insinuating anything). The not so weird stuff is a powerful man screwing women on the side. At least he's not:

  • R. Kelly -- an ephebophile who likes to piss on teenage girls
  • Michael Jackson -- a pedophile who likes to cuddle with little boys
  • Bill O'Reilly -- who calls up his subordinates to talk about his dick while pleasuring himself with a vibrator
  • Brigitte Neilsen -- who is at least willing to give people the impression that she's screwing Flava Flav. The impression...that is gross enough
  • Al Reynolds -- who is willing to give the impression that he is screwing Star Jones because he wants to. The impression...that is, again, gross enough
  • Marv Albert -- had this obsession for biting hookers

Kerik's already withdrawn his nomination. It is time to let him get back to making sweetheart deals (e.g., the Taser stock deal) and self-indulgent carnal pursuits in peace. Seriously, this story is getting boring and tedious.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I were familiar with the whole story before now. Frankly, I enjoy the soap opera of Kerik much more than say the soap opera of Scott/Lacy/"connor" (lower caps for someone never born - and frankly we don't know that had the mother not been "killed" would have survived childbirth anyway). It's juicy and I will now do a search to find out the specifics re: mob ties; because while I have read the tidbits re: affirs I have only seen allusions to the mob. Gotta read it.

9:26 AM  
Blogger Henry Baum said...

At the risk of going to hell, the 9-11 love-fest for Giuliani always bothered me. I lived in NYC in the late 90s and I remember him taking booksellers off the streets, really taking some of the life out of the city. Is there any mayor who wouldn't have looked heroic on 9-11?

12:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree re Guiliani. His basically took credit for things that were out of his control. Crime went down yes, but as it always does in NY when the economy is good. The NY economy was being driven by economic events on the West Coast and the internet bubble, not because of anything Guiliani did. In fact, he kept raising spending and created a fiscal crisis that the unlikeable yet competent Bloomberg had to clean up. Steady in the face of a crisis, yes, but great mayor...hardly.

2:08 PM  

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