More From The Joseph K Fiction Archives

Not only did I write bad poems, but in my youth I also filled wire-bound notebooks with bad fiction. A lot of half-finished weird stories.

This from a story I wrote in about sixth grade for my English class:

"'Ladies and gentlemen, we are back on the Shucky Taylor show. Our next guest is from another world. Literally. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my next guest who name is unpronounceable in any human tongues. We call him Gerth and he is from the ice planet....'

Shucky holds up a card that reads: cfddfvvfsfbbbbjnrbijnjn

'As you can see, Gerth is from a planet that does not use vowels. Anyways, here is the exciting reason why Gerth is here. He has traveled all the way from...that place with, get this: the secret to eternal peace, happiness and immortality. Gerth, baby, lay it on us. What is the secret to eternal peace, happiness and immortality? Remember, folks, this is a Shucky Taylor show exclusive!'

Gerth rubbed his square head with a tentacle and said, 'rwdhnjkbsszxwq.'

'Fascinating, Gerth. Really fascinating. That about says it all. We'll be back after this message.'"

My English teacher commented: "Well, at least this story was not about snakes like all your other stories."