Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Replacing Dan Rather

Conservatives came in their pants when Dan Rather stepped down in the wake of the 60 minutes forged documents debacle. Now, the big debate is over who should replace Rather.

Banality Fair's suggestion? Well, network news has become utterly useless in the wake of cable news and the growth in popularity of dialectical news, which features loudouths with opposing viewpoints who scream at each other. The age of the so-called objective anchor has ended. So, replacing Rather with some other telegenic cipher seems like a waste of time.

We propose that CBS replace Rather with a kitten who can "meow" on command. I imagine there being a news story about the latest dead in Iraq. After the story, a soothing "meow" from Chicklet the Kitten. A story about the Social Security crisis. Chicklet plays with yarn. Chicklet comforts a nation and provides as much value as a Jennings, Brokaw or Rather. And she'll be cuter too.


Blogger Spiral Stairs said...

Toonces the Driving Cat would be able to drive himself around to late-breaking stories, so perhaps he should be considered...

11:20 AM  

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