Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Epidemic

In this alarmist age, we have a bunch of Chicken Littles running around decrying various epidemics. Take obesity for instance. People are freaking out that there a bunch of really fat people who might end up dying because they are really fat. Frankly, I don't see the problem. Their obesity is a reflection of this country's prosperity (believe me, there are about a million refugees who would like to have too much food be a problem). Moreover, it is their choice if they want to eat a bunch of stuff; eaters are well-informed and they have assumed the risk of their behavior. If you want people to stop eating so much, create disincentives for the behavior, e.g., making overweight people pay higher premiums on a sliding scale than people at a normal, healthy weight. Frankly, I get annoyed that my insurance premiums are as high as they are because of (1) avoidable problems caused by fellow insureds (smoking, obesity) and (2) elective procedures covered by the insurance company that should not be covered (accupuncture, fertility treatments -- the couple should bear the full cost, not all of us).

No, there are bigger, more-pressing societal concerns. Such as slow walkers. I hate them. You know who you are. The people who aimlessly wander down the street at a leisurely place. Unable to walk in a straight line, preternaturally finding ways to block the path of us normal/fast walkers.

Moreover, slow-walkers tend to attract each other. Often, they'll walk anywhere from two to four across on narrow sidewalks, yakking about nonsense with each other. Of course, it would be considerate of them to break up into smaller groups, maybe walk two-by-two. Or better yet in a single file line. But, no such forethought from these amblers. They are fucking sociopaths.

Ok, I admit, I walk fast. It's for two reasons. First, I have somewhere to go, and there is absolutely no reason for me to hobble there. I don't care if these slow walkers have no rush to get where they need to get. Why does it have to become my problem. Second, I consider even my short jaunts part of my overall exercise regimen. If you have to walk somewhere, make it meaningful.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a person who suffered from such back pain that I nearly became a drug addict, and who was able to let go of Rx use and THE PAIN let me tell u: Accupuncture is a real science. Better than the drug therapy pushed by the U.S. drug dealers aka doctors. In fact the cost of your premiums would be higher if accupuncture was in wider use.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Joseph K said...

Fair enough. What the drug companies don't want you to know...

8:48 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

It's Christmas crunch time: mall shopping this weekend. I'll do a few oh-so accidental close brush-bys of the straggling, space-hogging slow walkers on your behalf. :D

10:22 PM  
Blogger Philofaxer said...

What's worse is when slow walkers do not abide by the universal Rule Of Staying To The Right Unless Passing.

I spend about 70 to 80 minutes of my day commuting to and from work on foot. I encounter all sorts of walkers. I, like Joseph, am a fast walker. So I often find it necessary to pass slow walkers. But when they sway to and fro from one sidewalk boundary to the other, it's very difficult to pass. Imagine trying to pass a severely drunken driver who's weaving across all lanes of traffic. It's no frickin' different. Stay to the right, assholes. As I've noted before, this applies to cars, bodies, grocery carts, bicycles, snowmobiles, airplanes, submarines, Big Wheels, wheelbarrows, forklifts, and Space Shuttles.

Thank you.

1:30 PM  
Blogger M. Fresh said...

Worse, when the slow walker is pushing a monstrosity of a baby stroller three kids wide... Now THAT's someone in need of some schooling.

3:15 PM  
Blogger Kimberly Pauley said...

Even worse, to me, are close talkers...but not just any close talkers, I'm talking those close talkers with the incredibly horrible coffee-stale-cigarette-ate-tuna-for-lunch breath.

I hate that.

PS Thanks for stopping by Joseph K :-)

10:46 PM  

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