Where's Dick Clark?

Today is a day of great celebration. First, Banality Fair is closing in on 1,000 hits. In order to commemorate this event, we will award our 1,000th visitor with absolutely nothing.

Second, and far less importantly, our Chimpander-in-Chief is about to be sworn in to office about 14 blocks from where I type this. My wife is fasting today in protest. I will be sitting around gorging myself on leftover Chinese food and candy bars (in protest). We are also participating in the Not One Damn Dime Day protest. Given the location of our house, it won't be difficult to spend nothing. I think several Secret Service agents are poised on the roofs across the street with sniper rifles trained on our seditious little heads, in case we think any impure thoughts. The streets will be overrun by Stetson-topped Texans slipping around on our icy sidewalks in boots made of the hides of various endangered species. I'll gladly stay away from them and their reckless carousing, thank you very much.

It's a somber day in the Stairs household. But, I'll celebrate Banality Fair's 1,000th hit with ... absolutely nothing.