Sunday, January 23, 2005

Football Fans Left Limp...

I am watching the NFL conference championship games today, and there is apparently a huge impotence epidemic among football fans. I wasn't quite sure whether there was a direct correlation between watching football and impotence, so I seriously considered switching the channel.

At one point, I actually did, watching a Discovery Science Channel show about an angry, giant sperm whale that destroying a whaling ship in 1820 called "Moby Dick: The True Story." By the way, did you know that sperm whales got their name because the rich oil in their heads looks like human semen? The oil in the sperm whale's head was so valuable, that sailors would go inside the dead sperm whale's head to scoop up every drop of it they could. The whaling ship crew evacuated the ship on three life boats which all got separated from each other after a while. This survival tale involved no Gilligan's Island-type antics; some survivors were found sucking the marrow out of the bones of their dead shipmates.

Anyway, a Cialis or Levitra commercial seems to be running every commercial break, mostly consisting of testimonials about how their drug is better than the other. I can only imagine the personal shame that many of these impotent football fans feel when their little friend gives the nothing, not even a stir during the Coors Light commercial featuring "the Twins."

Moreover, the warning about the dangers of erections lasting more than four hours in the Cialis ads perplexes me. Is a three and a half hour erection substantially safer? What happens after four hours?


Blogger Spiral Stairs said...

I really wish I could be present for all the father-son conversations that these commercials must provoke during the family hours of NFL football viewing.

"Well, son, you see, a man's penis is comprised of a series of fibrous chambers that have the capacity to engorge with blood. When so engorged, the man's penis becomes sufficient sturdy to withstand insertion into a woman's vagina ...

[blah blah blah...]

... and that's what we mean when we say you were an 'accident.'"

8:48 AM  

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