Tom Wolfe Explains Why He Sucks And We All Should Too

As noted a week or so ago, Tom Wolfe won an award for bad sex...writing. Although with his gnarled thin frame, ugly white suits and creepy demeanor, it is probably fair to assume he sucks at real sex too.

Wolfe explains: The Sex May Be Bad But It's Ironic, Says Tom Wolfe.

Yes, yes Tom. That's exactly it. So when my girlfriends complain about bad sex with me, those silly bitches just don't realize I was being ironic. It was performance art, and I was protesting the notion that we humans think that the ultimate joy is shared joy. A minute not enough? Well, tough, because I am a man on the go and I don't have time. If you ask me, those women who want extensive, lengthy carnal experiences are simply inefficient.

Ironic, huh? What a beautiful explanation for failure. Screw up a project at work? "You thought I was trying?" Shake head. "I was being ironic, boss. I didn't realize people who work here are so fucking provincial." After all, success is for Mennonites and other unsophisticated cultural simpletons.

And think about it: our president's career is the height of such irony. He might be the only person to failure upward in his career all the way to the presidency (except perhaps for ineffectual Whig John Tyler who was actually dubbed "His Accidency"). How fucking cool is that, ironically speaking. And twice he beat overachieving chumps who spent their whole lives carefully plotting their political assent, careers built on accomplishment, intellect and hard work. America responded to this silly competency challenge by twice electing an underachieving clown, clearly demonstrating that we are most certainly in the Irony Age. If only they realized this, serious liberals would not be so apoplectic about the way things are these days.