Tuesday, April 26, 2005

What Glorious Crap

I've really lacked interest in politics ever since, oh, I don't know, about 9 p.m. on November 2, 2004. So my posts here have instead concerned important matters like books about death, Amazon.com's depressing opinion of me, and even, at the urging of my numerous fans, insights into my more personal, intimate side. And also how cool it would be if we all got together and played Dungeons and Dragons in live action.

I must, however, now make one small political point: If the Democrats cannot emerge within the next few months as a healed and vastly strengthened party, then they are hopelessly inept dolts and I will pledge my undying political support for Ross Perot. Let's do a quick, totally unresearched and half-assed review of what's been going on:

- Republicans, giddy-drunk with power, have gone overboard with a Social Security plan that makes the majority of Americans crap their pants.
- They're now pushing, relentlessly, to abolish the filibuster as to debate on judicial nominees, a "nuclear option" that even a majority of unsophisticated American cretins recognize is a bad idea.
- Tom Delay has, inexplicably, pulled back his cape and disclosed that he does indeed have knobby little horns, a forked tail, and breath bearing the rotten stench of the tortured souls he has eaten as sustenance in his rise to power. And he seems proud of this.
- The Shrub's approval ratings are sinking faster than rapidly sinking approval ratings. And they're doing so on nearly every issue.
- A gay male hooker was a White House press correspondent.
- Further entrenching the GOP as the party of homosexuals, the newswires are aflame with pictures of the Shrub having passionate gay sex with the Saudi Crown Prince. (Why else would two grown men be holding hands?)

Some of those points are more important than others. But here's a serious one: The Republican party is wallowing in its own excess, so slap-happy it is to finally have what it has always wanted in its bony little fingers -- total control of every branch of the U.S. government. They're behaving like dogs that eat and eat and eat until their stomachs are distended and they puke up partially digested Alpo. Just like a dog must be slapped away, or prodded with an branding iron, when he cannot stop himself, so too must the Republicans be dealt justice.

Do I trust the Democrats to capitalize on all this glorious crap? No. That's why I've prepared my Plan B: "Ross Perot: Don't Call It a Comeback. He's Been Here For Ears [sic]." The problem is that, in these soporific post-election months, no prominent Democrat wants to step forward and be the firebrand. Any Democrat who is interested in the presidency is hanging back, fearful that American cretins will have their fill of him or her too long before the presidential election cycle begins. Besides, there aren't any charismatic Democrats left.

Ross, take me away.


Blogger Joseph K said...

Do what I did and become a Whig. Down with the Fed and up with the Gold Standard!

5:56 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

..or you could come north! oh, I know, it's probably frowned upon.

seriously, I don't know how you guys survive. I get stressed out enough just by watching edited newscasts, never mind reading the one political blog that I keep track of. something's gotta give.

11:13 PM  
Blogger Spiral Stairs said...

Jenn: North? You mean Delaware? Oh, Canada. The thought has crossed my mind once or twice.

I live in one of the more paradoxical cities in the U.S. -- Washington, DC. It's a city whose most prominent and powerful resident is a man that 90% of the city's residents voted against.

In my circles, moving to Canada is not frowned upon. To the contrary, it's kind of a dream for many -- like being an astronaut or winning the World Series. I've heard tale of people who picked up and did it. There's a heroic quality to it.

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's very discouraging to hear and read that so much intelligent, competent people have decided to distance themselves from the American political scene. What good does it do to throw up your hands and tune out or move to Canada? Who's interest does this kind of reaction serve?

3:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What do you mean by "American cretins?"

4:02 PM  
Blogger Spiral Stairs said...

To the first anonymous commenter: Have you ever felt frustration? That's what I feel. I never said my frustration was productive. But that's what I feel. Good for you if you don't feel it. I, for one, experience all sorts of unproductive or even counterproductive emotions.

Second anonymous commenter: I can't explain it. I just know them when I see them. In fact, I think I am one.

Both anonymous commenters: How about registering a screen name? You can pick a fictitious name, you know. It would be nice to have some kind of marker in case you comment again (or have commented previously).

5:29 PM  
Anonymous Second Weaver said...

I posted the last two anonymous comments, and a few others in the past. I've been reluctant to choose a fictitous name - being anonymous is much safer, I guess. But I enjoy your writing very much (as well as Joseph K's, of course) so ... Ok. My name is Second Weaver.

I understand your frustration. But frustration, if it's not followed by collective action, can lead to disaster. I was just listening to a segment on the radio about the new Florida gun law - the one that allows people to shot an attacker in public without first attempting to flee! The reporter noted how surprising it was that the law passed with such little opposition. A spokesperson for an anti-gun group in Florida responded that since September 11, it's been difficult for anti-gun groups to generate public interest in this issue and that the law seems to have passed without the group's notice.

What?? Aren't anti-gun lobbying groups supposed to be paying attention to what happens in state legislatures and Congress, aren't they supposed to be creating public awareness about issues that the public may be indifferent to.

The spokesperson's response was completely unacceptable I am afraid that if people continue to be frustrated and dejected and allow the conservative right to run amok, then we're really screwed.

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Second Weaver said...

What do you all think of this?


4:00 PM  
Blogger Spiral Stairs said...

That anti-gun group's response is strange. To say that it is now difficult to motivate the public in matters that might restrict gun rights is one thing. That just means they have a tough job. But to say that the law passed without their notice is totally different. That means they're bad at their job, whether it's a tough job or not.

As for that action item link, it is interesting. Every time I visit my family in semi-rural Missouri, I spend half my time at Wal-Mart. They LIVE there. Need a loaf of bread? Wal-Mart. Need a TV? Wal-Mart. Need eyeglasses? Wal-Mart. It's totally bizarre, and I'm totally, unfairly judgmental about the people I see there because Wal-Mart represents so much of what I hate.

That would be my pick of a place I normally disparage. Whether I actually visit a Wal-Mart and censor my disparaging tendencies -- well, that may have to wait for the next family visit.

4:13 PM  
Anonymous Second Weaver said...

Why are you judgmental of people who shop at Wal-Mart?

I understand the macro-economic and political arguments against the corporation. But, if Wal-Mart has driven most the shops that used to provide the goods and services that you mentioned out of business, then it makes sense for people shop at Wal-Mart. This seems to be especially true in rural areas where few alternatives are available.

5:23 PM  
Blogger Henry Baum said...

11 comments, Spiral, you discouraging cretin.

6:15 PM  
Blogger Joseph K said...

Shopping at Walmart kills the soul. Studies have proven this.

9:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would like to see the randomized control trial where the experimental group had a significant increase in mortality and morbidity of the soul compared to the unexposed control. Let me know when someone finds enough people that have never been to WalMart. WalMart doesn't kill the soul--poverty does. WalMart is just the predator that swoops in to circle and molest a wounded animal with a dearth of options. Furthermore, the relationship with WalMart is pathetically simbiotic. Maybe all of the people who "escaped" to Canada are really entrepreneurs on the sly that have hatched a plan to provide a low cost, community-friendly alternative to WalMart, and they are just biding their time until they can return to the US and dethrone WalMart while simultaneously reviving the Democrat Party.

3:55 PM  

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