Saturday, March 12, 2005

Kirk Cameron Takes On The Devil's Minions

A while ago, I blogged about one of my favorite sites on the web, a Christian site run by celebrity evangelist Kirk Cameron, a.k.a. Mike Seaver from "Growing Pains," and some dude named Ray Comfort who has a thing for converting burly truckers. Comfort's Christianity is not for the faint-hearted, "The message of Christianity isn't one of God wanting to better this life for humanity. It is one of warning of a terrible fate in store for those who continue on the road of sin. We are told by God's Word that there are two deaths on the highway to Hell. The first death is when we leave the storms of this life and pass into timeless eternity. The second death is the chasm of eternal damnation. It is the terrifying justice of a holy God." Ray, you had me and Judas Priest at "highway to Hell." Rock on.

Being an evangelical is hard for Kirk Cameron. Recently, he wrote about the devil sending a "shrimpy" "little Indian Buddhist" to thwart his efforts to do some street preaching in his neighborhood: "As I swung to the subject of God, a little Indian Buddhist girl stepped forward and said 'So this is what you do now? You give people money so they'll stand here so you can brainwash them?!'"

Kirk is a sensitive sort. He can be wounded. He wears his emotions on his God-fearing sleeve.

"I felt sick. She might as well have said 'You're pathetic. I used to like you on TV, but not anymore because you're bribing people to listen to your religious garbage.' I swallowed my pride for about 10 more minutes before I packed it in and went home, licking my wounds. I felt terrible, as my fears got the best of me that night."

The truth was a bitch for Kirk. He was a washed-up sitcom actor who HAD been handing out cash to kids to get them to listen to his message of submission and fear. Kirk had been playing some sort of trivia game with the local teens he was preaching to, giving them $1 for every right answer. Which the kids probably used to buy liquor. But, that is another thing. Kirk was not about to be defeated by this nefarious little Buddhist girl:

"I was determined not to be defeated by a shrimpy little girl, so I went back the next night.


[W]e talked to one group in the parking lot, two groups in front of the theatre, and then... I panicked. In the distance I could see that little Indian Buddhist girl standing on a bench in front of her friends. I ducked behind a tree, but it was too late. She spotted me, ran up and threw her arms around me and yelled in a mocking voice, 'Oh Kirk Cameron, where's my free Bible? I want a free Bible!' After shaking off this little distraction (obviously a demonic dart to discourage me again), Johnny and I shared with another group and prayed with a young man to receive the Lord. "

Kirk's heroics in the face of this obnoxious little Buddhist's taunts are to be commended. She was not an atypical Buddhist. Budddhists are known for their persecution of Christians. This little devil's sneers are a mild form of that torment. Indian Buddhists have been known to feed Christians to elephants for sport. Buddhists are rude and hate God. But, the silver lining for Kirk is that an angry, but holy God will send this little girl to burn in Hell forever, while Kirk and Ray get to hang out with truckers and teens in heaven.


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