Ronald McDonald: Youth Fitness Ambassador

McDonald's has always enriched the lives of kid by filling them up with fatty meat and ushering them down a greased path towards obesity.

The company is finally taking action to address the impact of their products on child health. Rather than offering healthier food, however, McDonald's has instead embraced youth fitness. They have tapped Ronald McDonald to visit middle schools across the country and send mixed messages about eating (crappily) and exercise (more) to kids nationwide. His new title: Chief Happiness Officer!

Check out Mr. McDonald's website and you'll see why parents might find this strange clown's visits to middle schools troubling.

Look at his friends. The more I read and learned about the McDonald's gang, the more I am convinced that they are very, very disturbed. Take Birdie for instance. She is apparently a chicken who has sold out and chosen corporate cash over protecting her kind. In a perverted twist, she actually consorts with animated Chicken McNugget's. Sick.

Then, there is poor, sad Grimace. If anyone needs a fitness program, it is this sad, obese purple beast with an debilitating addiction to milkshakes. He's not exactly an example for the kids, now is he?

This clown, Mr. McDonald, and his creature friends need our help, not the other way around.

In any event, I would have thought the Hamburglar would make a better candidate as McDonald's child fitness advisor. He'd steal kids' burgers, denying them the unhealthy food. Then, they'd get a good cardiovascular workout as they chase Hamburglar trying to recapture their absconded meats.