Sunday, October 24, 2004

I Am Damned

As I get older, I am become more and more aware of my mortality. Days gone. The what ifs transformed into loose memory.

So, where to go from here? Is this life the beginning and the end of what "I" am. Or is there something more. And, thus has begun my long journey to figure out (a) whether I have any spiritual beliefs and (b) what the hell they are.

My reflections begin with some travels I had with a former colleague of mine at my old firm. We were working on a case out on the West Coast. She was an evangelical Christian who chewed with her mouth open, especially when she ate boiled eggs.

Anyways, one morning as we ate breakfast, "You know, Joseph, I like you a lot as a person. To bad you'll never be saved." Then, she got up, and I think she was crying.She came back and explained that her particular denomination of Christianity -- I cannot recall what it was called now, but it was not one of the major denominations -- believed that only members of their church will only go to Heaven. Usually, she is fine with the fact that just about everyone around her is going to hell, but she'd come to like me as a person.

We -- you and I who are not a member of her church -- are damned. She actually said that to me.

"You are damned," she said. I have only now absorbed what she said, because at the time I was just hoping she'd stop talking and chewing with her mouth open and filled with saliva softened egg.

It actually all seemed pretty rational, too. My last experience with evangelical Christians was when this Korean girl I was trying to hook up with in college took me to a campus Korean Christian revival. At some point, I realized it wasn't worth it. I reached that point when everyone started speaking in tongues for about 20 minutes. The guy next to me was self-flagellating, and I thought he was really going to hurt himself. Or me. I eventually switched places with the girl I came with.

Given my agnosticism, I will begin with the premise that I am indeed damned, and for the next few months will post periodically on my search for salvation. Any advice? Please post in the comments section.


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