Silicone Valley

Trying to be ironic on a lazy Saturday night, I drove out with my bro to a place called "eCities" to check out the club scene in Tyson's Corner.

It should be renamed "eRetirementCities." The desperate sweaty older men standing around the edges of the dance floor looking for young prey was pretty gross. Has "you look good in that skirt" ever worked as a pick-up line? The guy who uttered it was about 45, so you would think the years of failure would have weaned him off that crappy line.

Even grosser were the plasticene 30/40-something year old women that prowled the place. Their faces were stretched taut over their skulls as they tried to outrun both age and grace, and all the excess fat sucked out of their thighs and stomach.

But, even more troubling was that all of these women had large, fake breasts. I mean large. And I mean fake. Even faker than their personalities. So they were pretty fake.

Lesson learned: "Club scene in Tysons Corner" is
indeed an oxymoron.