A Valuable Lesson

Isn't it incredible what you can learn on the internet? For instance, when I cleaned some so-called "junk mail" out of my e-mail inbox yesterday, I ran across an e-mail that told a touching story of a young woman's struggles to find love in this mad, criss-crossed world of ours. The story is worth reprinting in its entirety:

"She don't like meat but she sure likes the bone. Those damn vegitarians [sic] just can't go without cock for even a day, even if it means fucking a guy that represents most everything she believes is wrong with the world today!"

The story was accompanied by some lovely pictures of the vegetarian lass, and an invitation to visit her website. It was so brave of this young, amply-endowed woman to share her story with other lonely souls on the internet. Can't we all learn a little about ourselves from her tale?

I, for one, have learned a valuable lesson: The absence of meat in the diet of a female vegetarian causes her to develop a voracious appetite for the closest simulation of meat that her value system permits -- penis -- regardless of whether the man to whom said penis is attached shares her moral opposition to the consumption of animal products. This canonical truth will surely enrich my remaining years, and I plan to spread the word by sharing the young vegetarian's story, loudly, at all cocktail parties, barbecues, and family get-togethers I attend.