Sunday, March 20, 2005

Smells Like Joseph K

In an effort to make my postings more personal too, I will share with you all an issue I have been pondering recently: if I had my own men's fragrance line, what would be my scent?

"Joseph K" the cologne would have to reflect who Joseph K is. Most colognes are made from fragrance oils mixed with a dilutant. When making homemade colognes, some suggest using vodka as a dilutant. I used to practically live off of vodka tonics in law school. So, perhaps the appropriate Joseph K cologne would consist entirely of vodka. You'd dab a bit behind the ears, on both sides of your neck, and pour a fifth down your throat.

But, vodka doesn't really have a scent per se. Whether I like it or not, I'll have to find the right fragrance oil to define l'essence de Joseph K. What scent screams: Joseph K! Well, I am kind of salty. Perhaps a salty oil. Although, I doubt most people want to smell like a cured ham.

I am not really a metrosexual. So, I shouldn't have anything to sweet or perfumey. I am not hypermasculine either, so a strong Drakkar Noir-type scent wouldn't work. Stumped, I went to a web site that featured over 200 fragrance oils, looking for l'essence de Joseph K. Some possibilities?

1. "China Musk?" I was hoping it was really the scent of a musk ox. I don't know what a musk ox smells like. Probably pretty bad. But, I like the concept of a musk ox. Perhaps I am into a steppes/Mongolian thing these days because I was really digging on some Mongolian throat singing we were listening to at a dinner party the other day.

2. "Dragon's Blood?" You could dab on a little Joseph K and then be band together with a bunch of geeks and battle on some orcs on-line.

3. "Plumeria?" Not quite sure what this scent is? Wasn't there a disease that afflicted Chesapeake Bay fish -- causing them to develop festering sores -- in the late 1990s called Plumeria?

4."Tuberose?" I believe this is the Tuberculosis concentrate. Citrusy scent, not so good for the lungs.

Well, we'll figure what the smell will be later. Let's turn to a name. I want to give my fragrance a name that is bold, exotic, and tantalizing. I pondered the issue long and hard and suddenly it came to me. A name that is exotic, sexy, and reflective of the Joseph K meme:

Crudite by Joseph K.

There would be an accent over the "e." That's what will make it cool.


Blogger Spiral Stairs said...

One scent has always beguiled me, and if I had my druthers, I would reek of it: Patchouli. Seriously. In college, I dabbed patchouli oil on my neck. Later, when people started looking around for a spaced-out hippie and I felt ashamed to explain the smell was coming from mild-mannered me, I stopped with the oil but used a subtler patchouli soup.

Patchouli soup is really spendy though, so I stopped that too. Then I married someone who hates the smell of patchouli, so all doors were closed.

However, a wonderful thing happened on the California vacation we took last year. In the gift shop of a place called Ventana, in Big Sur, we stumbled across an oil scented with black tea. My wife approved, so I bought some. I don't use it regularly -- only when I want to smell mysterious. Or when I haven't showered.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Magazine Man said...

I dunno. I heard, like, accents are SO Chanel No. 5 minutes ago.

I vote for an umlaut. Over a consonant. Just because...

Actually "Umlaut" would be a really good name for a cologne. Only I'd have to give it a rakish spelling, like "Umlout." The things this blogs make me think about, I swear...

8:16 PM  
Blogger Joseph K said... accent or an umlaut...anything to make the consonants or that last vowel sound splashy and sexy.

I've never smelled patchouli before. I always thought it was a vegetable of some sort. The fact that it comes in soup form really throws me off. So, if I dunk my head in my beef stew tomorrow, will it make me smell more hearty?

11:24 PM  

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