I Hate Georgetown

If you've visited DC, you've probably visited Georgetown. If you live in DC, you very well may live in or near Georgetown. I am here to tell you to stay the fuck away from that God-forsaken cesspool of excess, amorality, and conformity.

Last night, I had to walk through Georgetown to get to the University. I don't go to Georgetown very much; it is actually quite difficult to get to. The train doesn't go there; parking is extremely difficult; and only native DC residents (of which I am not one) ever ride the bus. (There is an ongoing debate, or at least competing mythologies, about why no train goes through Georgetown. Many will say it is because wealthy Georgetowners didn't want a noisy, hoi-polloi-transporting conveyance rumbling under their 19th century townhomes. But others say that's bunk, that in fact it is because the subway would have to be located extremely deep under the ground in Georgetown, due to its proximity to the Potomac River.) So on those few occasions when I'm there, I approach it with an unfamiliar eye.

Throughout my walk, I became increasingly disgusted with the area, until I was clenching my fists and cursing loudly. I didn't know why, but Georgetown was really pissing me off. But I eventually figured it out. Here is the recipe for creating Georgetown: Take Greenwich Village in Manhattan. Vigorously scrub away all character. (Or at least all that remains in the Village.) Replenish the resulting population deficiency with rich white suburban transplants. Plop it down in a city already hurting for charisma.

Oh, and give it really narrow sidewalks while you're at it.

Voila, Georgetown. All the stupidity, expense, and annoyance of Greenwich Village without any of the charm or character. Why people view it as such a desirable neighborhood is beyond me. It's ungodly expensive. Last night, I bought a Milky Way and a diet Sprite (20 oz. bottle) at a corner deli. The price? $2.90. Don't even try to parse that out. There is no way, outside complex game theory, to make that price anything close to reasonable. I figure about $1 of it paid for the products; about $0.90 went to the store; and the remaining $1 went into the Fund To Pave Georgetown's Streets With Papier Mache Made Of Shredded Money.

What do you get for all this inconvenience? An Urban Outfitters. A Johnny Rocket's. Some optical shops that sell $1,000 eyeglass frames. A steep hill. (Which comes equipped with the staircase from the Exorcist, though. So it's got that going for it.) A university full of the overprivileged and underprincipled. "Quaint" (read: annoying) surroundings.

Fuck Georgetown.