Saturday, March 26, 2005

A Fair Trade

Today, I selected ten obscure literary publications in obscure corners of the country and sent them each a package containing a mediocre short story, an uninteresting cover letter, and a self-addressed stamped envelope for their convenience in rejecting little old obscure me.

Ah, yes. I'm brimming with self-confidence.

The way I see it, I am offering a simple trade: "Here, Sir or Madam Literary Magazine Publisher, is a packet of scratch paper. In return, please send me one piece of scratch paper, preferably on thick stock." Each such piece of scratch paper, hopefully on thick stock, will end up costing me about $9.43. $1.06 for sending the package to them; $.37 for the stamp on the return envelope; $4.00 for the beer I will have when I get the rejection letter; and $4.00 for the shot of whiskey I will have when I realize that the beer is inadequate to dull the throbbing pain of rejection. Luckily, I was able to steal the envelopes and address labels from my wife's office, so those expenses have been avoided.

I will probably send out another story to another batch of obscure publications in a couple weeks. I can't get enough of that scratch paper!

I promise to update Banality Fair with news of the rejection letters as they come in. (At least until they have become so mind-liquifyingly common that even I lose interest in them.)


Blogger Henry Baum said...

Good luck, that's all I gotta say. With both the rejections and the INEVITABLE acceptance.

3:37 PM  
Blogger Magazine Man said...

Bravo! Once more unto the breach!

I await the updates, and wish you more acceptances than rejections.

Although...having just finished my taxes, I can tell you that in the unlikely event of rejection, the beer and the whiskey are deductible expenses (just read the label on each bottle and you can claim them under "business publications").

Good luck!

4:20 PM  

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