Upcoming Protests of Note...

As a public service, Banality Fair is proving some information on some protests that our audience may want to participate in to advance society towards important and meaningful goals:

1. A Day of Protest to Save Star Trek "Enterprise" -- Quick, join the Trekkies tomorrow, February 25, in LA as they rally to save a show that only they watch.

2. Have a "Beef" With Kentucky Fried Chicken? -- Join the Bay Area Vegetarians as they harrass KFC customers in Santa Cruz on Saturday, March 6. Speaking of Kentucky Fried Chicken, its mascot, of course, was that enigmatic Colonel Sanders, with his antebellum white suit and wry look.

I'll let you in on a very true secret -- I was officially appointed a Kentucky Colonel by the Governor of Kentucky. Seriously, I have an official certificate to prove it. How/why? Not a terribly interesting story. It begins and ends with "I don't know why, except I know some people who know some people..." The back story notwithstanding, I -- along with Tiger Woods and Ann Margaret and assorted others -- hold that esteemed title. At one point, I insisted on my friends addressing me as "Colonel _____ (insert real last name here)." Didn't take.

I am not quite sure what it requires me to do. If the South rises again, am I to lead a Confederate garrison? Talk about a conflict. I am sure the more pressing question you have is: What is the "Colonel's" secret recipe? I am not saying whether I know or not, but if I did and told you, I'd have to kill you. It wouldn't be the first time people killed for spices (see, e.g., Christopher Columbus).

3. Like your girls hairy with a confused sense of right and wrong? The anti-globalization protestors are descending on D.C. April 15-17 to (i) screw up my commute to work and (ii) protest the World Bank and IMF, institutions they don't understand but for the inclusion of the words "World" "Bank "International" and "Monetary" in the organizations titles. Here are some of the antics the anti-globalization folk will be up to:

"April 15th: Serve a notice of eviction - The protest will gather at the G-7 Finance Ministers meeting, location TBA at Noon. Protesters will wear hard hats, and carry "tools and banners." After a close inspect(ion) of the World Bank and IMF’s structural integrity the people will post a notice to all that the institutions will be demolished do to a lack of structural soundness and usefulness to the community within 24 hours."

Cute! I am sure a starving Dinka kid made a refugee by the civil war there would find this gesture touching and meaningful.

"April 16th: The Demolish Team Arrives…. Converge at the World Bank and IMF, 18th and H Sts. NW at Noon. The people have served notice to the World Bank, IMF and wealthy elite. Their greed and destruction will not do. 24 hours since first posting the eviction notice we will demolish the institutions (symbolically of course)... March to Dupont Circle with music and puppets. Once in Dupont four construction zones will be set up in four themes, peace and true security, health care/housing/education, a clean environment, and direct democracy. Here participants can help in the construction of what represents these themes. "

I know many people who work for the World Bank. The World Bank has pushed some ill-advised policies, to be sure (e.g., the structural adjustment fiasco of the 80s and 90s). But, I am 100% sure that these international public servants, in their hearts, are not greedily working to destroy developing countries. But, hey, the prostestors have not, after several years of annual World Bank/IMF protests, let the facts get in the way of a good story yet.

4. Gay? Knock it off, says the troubled gang at Focus on Family. Not technically a protest, but for a fee, the FoF crew can help you see the "truth" about homosexuality at their "Love Won Out" one day semininar. The next one is being at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville on April 16. They've even brought in the world renown Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, the Clinical Director of the Thomas Aquinas Psychological Clinic in Encino, CA, who he specializes in the treatment of men with unwanted homosexuality. One of the testimonials struck me: "One thing I especially appreciated was hearing from former homosexuals. Anyone can give facts and figures, but honestly, if I want to learn how to build a house, I go see a carpenter." And if you really want to learn how to screw a member of the same sex...