Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Astronomers: Just Making Shit Up

I have been a little dubious about the study of astronomy. Like the neglected children of the scientific world that they are, they are always making these outlandish claims hoping you'll pay attention. You're always hearing stories about the Hubble spotting the creation of a galaxy a billion years ago. The evidence they always offer is this a blurry, still photo of a light flash. We're supposed to take their word for it that this is some magnificent act of creation. And they won't let you hold the picture. They hold it themselves, at arms length, imploring us to "see, see." Right, a billion year old act of creation. Everyone knows the earth was made about 5000 years ago by a bored God issuing all kinds of edicts: "Let there be Light. Let there be there be Water. Let there be Animals. Let their be Fish. Let their be Reptiles. Let there be Fish mixed with Reptiles called...Amphibians. That sounds cool. Let there be Birds. Let there be Mammals. Let there be Man and Woman. Ok, now I'm bored."

And then there are all those "giant asteroid almost hitting the Earth" scares. This scam involves astronomers trying to get us freaked out about a giant asteroid coming within 28,000,000 miles of the Earth. Whew, that was close call. Last time I heard about one of these asteroids, I was actually foolish enough to take out asteroid insurance. Now I am covered in case of a catastrophic asteroid impact. I bet the dinosaurs wish they had that kind of insurance.

Then I came across this story, which absolutely confirms that astronomers are just making shit up. According to the story, astonomers have discovered an "invisible galaxy." Perhaps named Harvey. According to the story, the "invisible galaxy" is made of "dark matter" (creative name), which has an incredible amount of gravitational pull. Scientists believe that these invisible galaxies may be kind of like the cosmic glue that holds the galaxies of the universe together.

I thought I would give this theory fair consideration. So, I debated it with my girlfriend, "invisible Angelina Jolie." But, as always, all she wanted to do was fool around. I had to mull this over on my own, and Dr. Joseph K concluded that this nonsense about invisible galaxies is made up of cosmic crap and does not hold together.


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